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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27817990">the moments in between</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/haiikyuuns/pseuds/haiikyuuns'>haiikyuuns</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A series of drabbles, F/M, Mentions of depressive thoughts, Self-Indulgent, Some comfort, because i crave domestic kenma, i imagined this as a part of my soulmates au but can definitely standalone!, mentions of league of legends, mentions of twitch, mostly domestic fluff, so so much self-indulgence lmfao</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:00:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,039</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27817990</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/haiikyuuns/pseuds/haiikyuuns</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>love, you realize, is a big word to decipher, so you learn to fall in love step by step along the way. - kenma/oc</p><p>a series of nonlinear drabbles. updated sporadically.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kozume Kenma/Original Character(s), Kozume Kenma/Reader, Kozume Kenma/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. before we turn into cosmic dust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"what would you do if the world ended tomorrow?"</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this was inspired by horimiya because i can't get sengoku's quote out of my head.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What would you do if the world is going to end tomorrow?” you ask absentmindedly as you set your book down on the coffee table in front of you. Kenma softly grunts in annoyance as your hair tickles his nose when you lean forward, and as you lean back, he wriggles and readjusts himself on your lap, eyes never leaving his game. You laugh at his movements, but as he finally rests his head in your lap and you begin combing your fingers through his hair, you feel a comforting sort of completeness. Just like the constant beating of your heart, he is always here, consistent, steady, like how the sun rises every morning and the moon keeps you company every night. </p><p>He doesn’t answer, but you are not expecting an answer. You find that this sort of silence with him is one that calms you. All that greets you is the familiar voice lines of his favorite character, the sound effects of the battle, and his silent presence that feels so loud as your heart beats softly. When you glance down at Kenma in your lap, his golden eyes are concentrated on his screen and his eyebrows cease together as his lips jut out just slightly. It brings a smile to your face because you think you wouldn’t mind spending the last day of the world like this.</p><p>When the rhythmic sounds of buttons stop and the ending theme begins to play, you hum along absentmindedly. You know this song by heart now because you’ve learned that this game series in particular is his favorite. It’s his comfort game of sorts even though he grumbles about yet another new release of the same game with just slightly different features every time. He glances up from his screen briefly, and when you catch his eyes on you, he blinks once, twice before he sees your small smile and mirrors it. Then quietly, confidently, he answers without hesitation. </p><p>“I would tell you I love you then turn into cosmic dust. The end.”</p><p>He quickly breaks your stare and brings his game console back up to his face before he continues onto the post-game features. The soft smile on your face turns into a happy grin as the sound of your heartbeat reverberates in your heart and heat rushes to your face. When you catch the red on the tips of his ears and feel the warmth that radiates from his face despite him hiding it behind his console, a rush of giddiness hits you.</p><p>You ruffle his hair with a mischievous laugh, and as he grumbles and swats your hand away lightly, you realize that you found a home in him, in the way his eyes twinkle under the blue light of his video games, in the way his smile shines as his hand holds yours, in the way his presence is your comfort and love blankets the room. With another burst of laughter, you think that this is definitely how you would want to spend the last day of the world, that this is happiness. </p><p>“I love you too.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hi friends! i know i mentioned i would be adding kenma drabbles onto my soulmates au fic, but i thought it would just be cleaner if i just grouped all the drabbles together! sorry for the inconsistency &amp;&amp; thank you for reading! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. falling slowly (but what if we fall in love instead?)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>you took a picture, keep by my bedside, so you’re mine when you’re gone, baby, please don’t be long.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>originally wrote for kenma's birthday &amp;&amp; repost chapter 2 of coloring outside the lines (of what we call love).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time you slept over at Kenma's house, it was purely accidental. He has the best blackout curtains and the most comfortable kotatsu, and something about being here in his darkened room, in this moment, with him makes it feel like you can simply just be you. You can live at your own pace instead of the world's outside, and the responsibilities and burdens weighing on your heart and mind feel a little lighter because he is here to hold you. Maybe that's why one time turns into two, then three, then you end up sleeping over at his house more often than yours. </p>
<p></p><div class="">
  <p>In moments like these, where your shoulders brush briefly before he lays his head on your lap as he plays his game while you occasionally run your fingers through his hair in between catching up on your book, feel so serene, so easy, like time stills and only the two of you exist. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Eventually, the soft clicks of his console and the background noise of his game soothe you into a peaceful sleep. The book you're holding slips out of your hand and hits Kenma in the head, and when he winces and scrunches his eyebrows at the sudden impact, he notices your even breathing and relaxed form. Despite the slight pain, he smiles because you look so tranquil, so adorable. After shooting your book a dirty glare and chucking it to the tablet, he saves and closes his game before he gets up to get you a blanket. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>As he leaves, you will your heavy eyelids open, and you search for his missing warmth, for him. Although your mind is still hazy and your eyes are still laced with sleep, you frown when you realize he's no longer here. He returns just then with a blanket in his hand, and when you spot him, your frown dissipates into a lazy grin. He returns your smile before wrapping the blanket around you. Before he can leave, you pull him towards you. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Stay," you whisper, voice still laced with sleep. "Please," you add softly as an afterthought. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>His eyes soften before he agrees and settles under the blanket next to you. You hum happily as you rest your head on his shoulder and fall back asleep easily. At the sound of your even breathing, Kenma turns to look at you again before he smiles. Seeing your messy hair and slightly gaping mouth, he stifles a laugh before he pulls out his phone to capture the moment. You would probably get upset when you find out he took a picture, but it's endearing, he thinks, because this is you in your most natural form, behind the masks you wear. He sees just you, you with tousled hair and sleepy eyes and wrinkled hoodie, and his heart flutters because this is you in your rawest form, and it's you whom he loves. He leans his head on top of yours and falls asleep to the sound of your even breathing. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>When you finally wake up, you aimlessly reach to grab your phone to check the time. Instead of your phone, you accidentally grab Kenma's. As you hit the home button, his phone screen lights up, and all the air in your lungs leaves you as you stare at his wallpaper. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Kenma! What is this?!" you gasp, instantly awake now, one hand holding his phone and the other pointing at the picture of you sleeping. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He only grunts in response and grumpily opens an eye before closing it again once he sees what you are pointing to. You pout and poke his cheek in an attempt to wake him up. When he only swats your hand away absentmindedly, you slump down in defeat before an idea hits you. Grabbing your phone, you quickly turn on your camera and snap a picture of Kenma sleeping. At the sound of your camera shutter, Kenma stirs. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"What's that for?" he grumbles, voice still a little raw from sleep. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Payback?" you offer sheepishly. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He hums and takes your phone out of your hand and sets it on the table before he pats to the spot next to him again. "It's still dark out. Come back."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It is definitely past noon now, but the blackout curtains block out the light and bring you back into a sense of comfort, of intimacy that this world only exists now between the two of you. Nonetheless, you nod and nuzzle yourself into the crook of his neck and inhale the soft scent of his fabric softener. It's a familiar scent, you realize, because it's one that has always bring you comfort, one that always reminds you of home.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Why did you take such a derpy picture of me?" you ask softly against him, sleep finding its way back to you again. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"It's derpy, but it's you," he offers groggily and wraps his arms around you, somehow fitting perfectly into all your curves and edges.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I have cuter pictures," you pout but relaxes into his embrace nonetheless. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"It's cute," he mutters against your hair.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Not really," you disagree as you place a soft kiss against his jaw.  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"It's you, and it's you that I love," he says softly, almost inaudibly, as he falls back to sleep, breaths evening out and eyes drooping shut.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Your heart flutters and the butterflies in your stomach soar, leaving you with heated cheeks and a happy smile. "It's you that I love too," you whisper lovingly. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>As you close your eyes, you catch the faintest smile on Kenma's lips that mirrors yours. Breathing in his scent, you find yourself most at peace here, in his room, with him, in his arms. Home is where he is, you think, as the sound of his heartbeat lulls you back to sleep. </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>in the night, you're a light in the white noise. home is wherever you are.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. y/n, 19, tier 3 kodzuken sub</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>in which twitch chat is about to go crazy because who is that in kodzuken's follow and donation gifs?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When you see the notification on top of your Twitch app, it becomes almost like a habit that you tune into Kenma’s stream. Although you would like to think you’re there relatively fast, he already has hundreds of viewers as he’s waiting in queue for his game to start. He’s chatting about the new patch and what he thinks about the new changes. You think it’s adorable how some strands loosely fall out of his bun and there are little sparks in his eyes as he talks about the game. You catch the slightest glimpse of the cat scrunchie you gifted him as a joke the other day, and it brings a smile to your face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To be honest, you’ve never told him you watch his streams because you just leave him on in the background, his voice and the sound of his games serve as background noise for you as you settle into bed. Your calico cat comes and plops himself on your lap, and you hum in contentment as you reach for your phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You’re not active on twitch, and you usually don’t interact in his chat. You only made an account to subscribe and drop bits here and there sometimes, and you are about to donate the bits you had from watching some ads earlier. When you donate your bits, the notification with your name pops up. He glances at the screen and smiles a little like he knows it’s you. He probably does, you think to yourself, because you had the same username handle since you were seventeen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he can thank you for the bit donation, someone follows him. A brief video of your pouty face, cheeks puffed up, inching closer and closer to the camera before you dramatically hmph, from the other night pops up as the follow notification goes through, and you stare at it in disbelief. Just then, someone else donates money, and your eyes widen even more as you stare at another video of yourself, reading a book before whipping your head towards the camera while throwing up a peace sign. As if he knows you’re here, he smirks a little before continuing to say his thanks and goes back to his game. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The chat goes wild because </span>
  <em>
    <span>who was that</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He only shrugs it off with a knowing smile by saying, “Maybe you guys will find out next time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he asked if you wanted to be on his stream and you agreed, this wasn’t what you had in mind. Your face burns in embarrassment, and you pick up your cat to bury your face into his fur. Your cat meows in discontentment, but you just want to hide behind something even though you’re already behind the screen. You would like to think you’re rather good at flirting with him and keeping your cool, but Kenma never fails to make you flustered, make you feel like you’re seventeen and giddy all over again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You shoot him a short text saying “i hate you”, knowing he won’t see it until his stream ends. He proves you wrong when he only responds with a smiley face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You bury your face into your cat again and scream mutedly. God, you hate him, you think as heat rushes to your face and the tips of your ears, as your heart flutters rapidly like the first time he said it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You’re fairly certain his chat will find out who you are in no time. You don’t particularly mind, because even though there are always some fans who are kind of scary, you’re always proud to be with your boyfriend. Well, if his fans are going to find you eventually, you might as well assert your dominance and have a little fun with it. You pull up your social media accounts quickly and update your description, adding a short phrase at the end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “y/n, 19, tier 3 kodzuken sub 😘”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>for those who aren't familiar with twitch, subscriptions have three tiers where tier 3 subscription is the highest (and most expensive). it's kind of a joke on twitch that tier 3 subs are like viewers who basically give their life savings to the streamers.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. stars in your eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>when you finally coaxed him into cosplaying, this wasn't what he had in mind.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is just me pushing my star guardian ezreal x lux (from league of legends) couple cosplay agenda onto kenma i'm sorry 🥲</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He sighs in exasperation as he sees the cosplay you prepared for him. He should’ve already known you were going to pick your favorite ship for the two of you to cosplay as, but he didn’t know <em> he </em> was going to be <em> Lux.</em> He sighs again as he begrudgingly puts the cosplay on, feeling ridiculous in his pink wig and equally pink sailor uniform. His lips jut in displeasure as he opens the door, crinkling his nose as he tugs on his pink skirt that’s riding up. When he hears you squeal in adoration, he snaps his head up and sees you in your equally ridiculous blond wig and white tights. </p><p>“Pink looks good on you, Lux,” you wiggle your eyebrows and laugh playfully as you bounce towards him, mimicking the lines of the character you are cosplaying as.</p><p>He wants to tease that you look ridiculous, but the words die on his lips when rays of the setting sun peek through the window and illuminate the room. Suddenly, all he sees is <em>you</em>. He sees the slight bob of your head as you chatter on excitingly, sees the joy in your eyes as they upturn into cresent moons, sees the mirth in your smile before you break into giggles. He sees you, only you, as the background noises fade into silence and the only thing that keeps him in the moment, in this is reality where you are his, is the sound of his heartbeat. In moments like these, he thinks this is the kind of love that motivates the protagonist of his games to take on the world for, the kind of the love that makes it worth waking up every morning to see you and your sleepy eyes and soft smiles.</p><p>"Your eyes really do twinkle like starlight," he says with quiet fondness, like it’s the most natural thing in the world as he drinks in the sight of your goofy smile and starlit eyes. </p><p>He’s always like this, quiet but always honest, sincere, and when he is like this, all you can do is hope that he doesn’t hear the loud beats of your heart resounding through your soul. Your mouth drops, and you could only gape dumbly at him as you shyly meet his eyes. </p><p>“...That’s supposed to be my line,” you mutter softly, cheeks on fire and heart in overdrive. </p><p>He smiles anyways as he takes your hands into his. You grin reflectively at the sight of his crinkling eyes as you squeeze his hands. </p><p>“Thank you for doing this with me,” you beam, cheeks feeling sore from the wide smile on your face and the happiness bubbling from your chest.</p><p>He supposes he’s okay with looking like a fool if it makes you this happy. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>happy valentine's day, everyone! ♡</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. when the storm strikes (lead me home)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>and when i fall apart, promise me in the dark you'll be my nightlight. slightly talkative and philosophical kenma. mentions of depressive thoughts.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>some comfort and a reminder for myself that maybe there is no point in life except for just living for the moments in between, that it's okay to feel not okay, and still be loved even when you don't feel deserving of it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Some days, you feel okay. Like you are excited to face the world with a beating heart, like you believe in the sound of your own laughter, like you feel so incredibly loved and lucky to be alive. Other days, you feel like <em>this</em>. Like all you can do is stare into the darkness of your room, feeling everything so deeply yet nothing at all, all at once. There are a million thoughts on your mind, but they are all incoherent except for the fact that you are not enough. The cold seeps through your blankets and lingers on your skin, but you find that you cannot bring yourself to move, to find warmth. </p><p>Cold, your body tells you. Numb, your mind tells you. Empty, your heart tells you. </p><p>You feel so insignificant, and you just want to disappear. Your eyes tear, but you find that the tears will not fall and you cannot cry even if you wanted to. There's a constant nagging ache in your heart, and while it hurts, it <em>burns</em>, it's also a sort of dullness that you are used to because it always comes back.</p><p>It's so exhausting to even breathe, but you take breath after breath because there are good things to hold onto, there are still so many things you want to do that you haven't done yet. There is always tomorrow but now feels so overwhelming that you don't even want tomorrow. </p><p>When you close your eyes, all you see is how small you are. Worthless. Lost. Pointlessly teetering at an impasse limbo where you don’t want to be. Your thoughts are like a bottomless ocean, violent waves drowning out the sound of your heartbeat and swallowing you whole, and you are sinking, sinking, <em>sinking</em>. You know it, feel it, but you cannot keep your head above the waters, cannot find the strength to move your arms and swim out of the riptides. You just want to stop and let yourself fall into the vast universe and into oblivion. You just want to wake up as a speck of starlight instead of just one in a million lives on this Earth because <em>what is the point</em>? What is the point of all of this? Why? For what?</p><p>Warm.</p><p>The bed shifts as Kenma settles in beside you. His soft breathing and his warm hands break you out of an endless train of thoughts and bring you home as he pulls you close. He guides your cold hand to his heart and looks at you without looking away, eyes so golden and filled with love that it reminds you that he loves you just all the same even if you are like this. He lays in silence with you as you listen to the steady rhythm of his heart, and with each beat, it reminds you that you are here, in the now. </p><p>“I'm here,” he reassures softly as he pulls the blanket up and pulls away from your hand to wrap an arm around you. You blink and stare at the sudden loss of warmth on your hand, but you relish in his encompassing warmth around you.</p><p>“Mm,” you snuggle into his touch and press yourself to him, feeling the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes, with each beat being your lifeline.</p><p>He is bad with words, you realize, but he is always sincere in his actions. He doesn't and won't promise to fight your battles for or with you because he knows it's not his place to, but he is always here to shine a light in midst of an ocean storm and wrap you in blankets and press soft kisses after you land. It doesn't stop you from spiraling downwards, but he's <em>here</em>, a stronghold against the currents of the deep sea and thunderstorm above, a moment where you can just rest and breathe.</p><p>“I'm so tired,” you finally admit in hushed mumbles. Your own voice sounds so foreign. "Everything feels so meaningless. I am meaningless. What's the point of all of this? <em>I</em> don't have a purpose."</p><p>He frowns and creases his eyebrows together, heart clenching as he hears the sound of your quiet sobs. He pauses for a moment before he flicks you lightly on the forehead. "Then let's sleep," he starts softly, "But not forever because the remake of my favorite game comes out tomorrow," he teases. </p><p>You giggle softly at his attempt at a joke. "Well, I suppose that's important enough to wake up for," you agree, although you're not convinced you truly believe in your own words.</p><p>He tugs your hand and brings it to his lips, pressing soft kisses on your wrist. "You may feel like you're meaningless, but to me, you're the universe." </p><p>All you see in his eyes is a kaleidoscope of gold that shines through the dark days, gentleness that knows no bounds, and love as you know it. A sort of love that exists quietly, softly, and everywhere in different forms on different days. On days like these, it exists like him holding you as you break and looking at you like you are his universe, like you are still worthy even if you're broken. </p><p>"... And maybe there is no purpose in life, in all of this. You don't have to have some grand ambition. I think it's okay to just wander through life finding interesting things," he tells you softly as he tugs on your hand. </p><p>He laces his fingers in yours, and you feel a little more home than lost at sea. You exhale quietly, letting out a shaky breath you didn't know you were holding. You close your eyes again, and this time, there are stars in the world where you only saw black. The thunder stops and the ocean calms into a lull. Your body feels the warmth, your mind stops spiraling, and your heart beats in sync with his, reminding you that you are not alone. </p><p>“And maybe we are all just destined to disappear one day, leaving behind nothing,” he continues, “But you know what?”</p><p>You stare blankly at him before shaking your head no. </p><p>“You’re here now, and that’s worth it. Always.” </p><p>You take in his words before a small smile breaks out on your face. As you curl up into Kenma's warmth, you are reminded that there will always be better days to come. Even if you are lost and drowning in your sea of thoughts, he will always be the lighthouse that guides you home, to love you even when you feel undeserving.</p><p>As if he knows what you’re thinking, he smiles and leans in, pressing your bodies together in silent affirmation as love envelopes the room.</p><p>Maybe the rainy days will always come, and you'll always wander into the darkness with seemingly no way out. But maybe life is just finding comfort in these little moments, in just being in the in-between, and not some grand proclaim of purpose. And that’s okay. You may not be okay now, and you're just now learning how to swim when you want to drown. He's here to remind you that you are only human.</p><p>And that’s okay too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>maybe home is nothing but two arms holding you tight when you’re at your worst. - yara bashraheel</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 5:37 AM</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>you always feel so exhausted and unloved around this time of day. tw: slight depressive thoughts</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>first time trying out a timestamp! more kenma comfort bc feeling v emo lately. not edited yet bc well,, i'm exhausted rn lmao</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>the first rays of tomorrow peek ever so slightly through the curtains as you glance at the clock. with each second that ticks by, the weight on your eyelids and heart grow heavier and heavier. you want to sleep, want to escape, want to be in a world where you want to wake up. </p><p>but you can't. </p><p>so you tug the curtains close and stare at the ceiling. you're exhausted, but you don't want to sleep. this is your rebellion of sorts against the world, even if it doesn't make sense. an escape, a comfort, you're not really sure what to call this as you lay next to kenma.</p><p>but he knows. (he always does.) so he pulls you close, bodies pressing together in a way that relaxes the tension in your body, and it makes you want to sob. you're not really sure why you're always like this, where you feel a little more broken than healed, where you're okay and then you're not. </p><p>"sorry," you whisper into his skin, sounding as tired as you feel. </p><p>"for what?" he questions as he nuzzles into you. you can feel the rise and fall of his body as he breathes, and you try to attune to it instead of the weariness in your head. </p><p>his love is the kind the burns quietly in soft moments and tender actions. he doesn't tell you sweet nothings and words he doesn't mean, but he's always, always here to hold you on days where you're okay-ish and days where you're not. a sort of burn that keeps you warm and reminds you that he is here, and he is not going anywhere. </p><p>a kind of love that's so tender it makes you want to cry because you feel so unworthy of it.</p><p>"sorry," you tell him again in half sobs, "sorry i'm always like this." </p><p>he presses a gentle kiss on your forehead. "you don't ever have to be sorry for your emotions," he reassures you, "you are worth the work it takes to love you." </p><p>you burst into tears. </p><p>kenma is many things, but the one thing he isn't is a liar. somedays you find his words hard to believe, but he tells it to you all the same. it gives you a little bit of hope, of strength that maybe you are worth something, anything in this vast universe. </p><p>"you are worth it," he repeats softly as his thumb brushes your tears.</p><p>you hiccup as you nod, not quite sure if you believe him yet, but he still looks at you like you are love, still holds you like he means it. so you nod again, and as you feel him press another kiss on your forehead, you let out a soft, lopsided smile before you let the sound of his heartbeat lull you to sleep.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. 3:04 AM</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>endings are always hard, but you learn that kenma's love is unending.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>timestamps are fun :") inspired by wotakoi! this has been in my drafts for a while, but here it is in honor of snk ending, i guess.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
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    <p>you’re not even sure when the door opened, but it brings you back to reality when the end of kenma’s hoodie sleeve wipes the tears on your face. he doesn’t ask any questions, but in between sobs and swollen eyes, you can see the concern in his golden eyes. he stays beside you, wiping your tears in silence, and his warmth calms you down to where your sobs become quiet hiccups.</p>
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    <p>“what’s wrong?” he finally asks, worried eyes locking with yours and gentle hands caressing your cheek. it sends a twinge to his heart seeing your red eyes and quivering lips.</p>
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    <p>you blink back tears and sniffle lightly before you stare at him blankly, mouth opening and closing because you don’t really know how to explain this. it’s a little embarrassing when you think about it now that kenma’s presence grounds you.</p>
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  <p>“... promise you won’t laugh?” you ask meekly, eyes shyly looking through your lashes as you chew the inside of your cheeks.</p>
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  <p>“and why would i do that?’ he tilts his head in confusion and leans forward, his knee poking out from his ripped nekoma sweatpants brushes against the soft fabric of your hello kitty pajama pants before he pulls you in.  </p>
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  <p>you rest your head on his shoulder and inhale in his scent that you know as home. after you draw in a long breath, you finally mutter quickly in a single breath, “my favorite anime series ended.”</p>
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  <p>he stays silent for a moment before you feel the rumbles of his chest. the muffled sound of his laughter rings in the air.</p>
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  <p>“you promised you won’t laugh!” you pout as you jolt back from his embrace and stare at him in disbelief.</p>
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  <p>at your exaggerated expression, the muffled laughter tugging on his lips break into an animated cackle.</p>
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  <p>“you suck,” you huff, crossing your arms and humphing dramatically but finding yourself unable to fight the smile forming on your lips.</p>
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  <p>“sorry,” he finally offers as his laughter dies down, patting your legs softly in comfort. “you had me worried.”</p>
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  <p>“sorry,” you apologize sheepishly, “i know it shouldn’t affect me this much, but the series just means a lot to me.”</p>
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  <p>he flicks your forehead. “don’t apologize for something you love, dummy.”</p>
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  <p>as if he knows what you’re going to say, he flicks your forehead against before you could apologize again. “don’t. i already know what you’re going to say. do you want to talk about it?”</p>
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  <p>all the feelings you’ve been holding up flows out as you boisterously gush about your favorite series, animated hand gestures and facial expressions included. he rests his chin on his hand and listens attentively as you ramble, eyes following your every movement. he would occasionally offer a hum in agreement or his own commentary despite knowing next to nothing about it.</p>
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  <p>“sorry,” you start again as your face heats up in embarrassment, hands already on their way to cover your face, “i didn’t mean to ramble this much.”</p>
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  <p>he grabs your hands before you could, and he holds them close before he brushes his thumb tenderly over your knuckles. “it’s okay. i had fun.”</p>
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  <p>“good. i hope you’re never planning on reading it because it will ruin you,” you laugh as you naturally shift your hand to intertwine your fingers with his.</p>
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  <p>“i wasn’t planning on it, but maybe i will now,” he teases because he knows you will, without a doubt, watch it again with him if he ever starts it.</p>
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  <p>you softly punch his arm because you know he knows, “rude.”</p>
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  <p>he smiles before he pats your head. as you look at him and see his crinkling eyes and soft smile, love is the only word that pops into your mind. a home is four walls and a roof over your head, but you think home for you is warm golden eyes that show only love and tender hands that hold yours.</p>
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  <p>“do you still love me even after i spoiled the whole thing for you?” you joke lightly as you tug on his hand.</p>
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  <p>he only blinks once, twice, before he tugs back at your hand and smiles again. “i just love you and like seeing you happy.”</p>
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  <p>despite his honesty, you can see blush forming on his face and the tip of his ears. the thundering flutter of your heart feeds into the heat radiating off your face, and as you take in his words, you only grin so widely as happiness overflows from your heart and onto your lips. you did the only thing you could think of at the moment.</p>
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  <p>you punch him.</p>
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